Bedtime Foiled

Why is my house always one of the three hundred to lose power? I know, I know! It’s because we live in the middle of NOWHERE. Wind storms, they usually do the trick. I recently spent a night home alone and here’s what happened…

My flight from Tennessee landed around 10:30pm and I drove home alone to an empty house. By the time I pulled in the garage it was about midnight and I was exhausted. After setting the security system I lugged my suitcase up the stairs and by 12:15am I was fast asleep.

This is where it gets exciting.

2:49am:  Bug-eyed, I jump out of bed to the insanely loud sound of an alarm.  Immediately I assume the noise is coming from the security system and, in my mind, someone has broken in.  Total chaos.  I reach for my bedroom light and flick the switch, nothing.  The power went out.  It’s pitch fu**ing black.

My cell phone is on the nightstand next to my car keys.  I grab them both knocking a few books to the floor.  There’s a remote on the keychain that controls the security system.  I use my cell phone to light the controller and next to the panic button is off - I push it.

The.

Piercing.

Noise.

Won’t.

Stop.

Riddled with pure fear I head out of my bedroom and feel my way around the corner to the armoire in the hallway.  A moment of mild joy runs through me as I grab the flashlight off the shelf… I’m about to be rescued from the darkness.  I turn it on.  The weak hint of light coming from the cheap plastic tube is hardly helpful. At it’s brightest moment it has a dull, flickering glow.  Hugging my shitty flashlight I head downstairs and make my way to the security box.  I enter the code, disarm the system but the noise just won’t stop.  And it's really loud.

It sure took me a while but this is the moment when I realize it’s not the security system, no.  It's just all eight smoke alarms going absolutely bonkers.  Trembling with shock I maneuver to the closest room and try to disarm one of the alarms.  I’m officially hopeless.  

Left with no other choice I decide to call 911.  Naturally the only working phone is all the way back upstairs and the quintessential horror movie question pops into my head “WHY did she go back upstairs?”  Well, I had no other choice.

It’s a bad situation and the 911 Operator said the one thing that could actually make matters worse: Get out of the house.

The closest streetlight is miles away, it's darker than dark, it's pouring rain but I simply can’t ignore the suggestion to exit the premises.  I've got it!  I'm gonna get in the car and wait in the driveway!

Of course the car is in the garage behind the garage door that is powered by electricity.  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY?!  Squeezing the cheap flashlight in my armpit I disconnect the automatic garage cables and with a slight bend of my knees I lift the heavy door.

Realizing I just opened the gates of hell I immediately dart for the car and lock myself as quickly as possible.  My heart is pounding, pounding, pounding as I back out into the driveway.

I wait, shivering. 

Finally I see a sign of true hope. Bright lights spin out of the darkness and are headed in my direction.  Three burly men reeking of stale fire greet me at my car and continue on into the house.  The four of us shuffle through the dark, mammoth home with walkie-talkies and all I can focus on is my envy for their extra bright flashlights.  

Note to self:  Go to Lowe’s.

4:08am: The house is hazard-free and my fire heroes fix the alarms.  Silence.

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Something tells me I’ll be happy to be in a big city again.  Beijing, I’m on my way with open arms.