Paddling Wimp

It all started last October on a little beach in Sayulita, Mexico. That's when I met the Paddleboard. 

Paddleboarding can be a very peaceful, zen-like activity.  When mixed with a nice yoga practice and some meditation... it's the perfect water sport. It's just heaven. 

Here are a few images that come to mind when I think of my past paddling experiences:

peace

serenity

tranquility

My bf, Ben, recently purchased 2 half-day board rentals through amazonlocal. This past Saturday was a 93 degree scorcher and we could find no better way to soak up the sun than on a paddleboard in the ocean. After a quick bite to eat in La Jolla we popped into Surf Diva to pick up our rentals. They gave us the standard we get to keep our business if you die disclaimer and a checklist that read: 

• stay on your knees until your past the wave break 

• etc...

• don't lose the paddle, it does NOT float

• shuffle your feet to avoid stingrays

I wasn't expecting that last one but it really got me thinking about the living elements in the Pacific Ocean. Unfortunately, this is the image that came to mind:

"Breaking News: Unbelievable photo of shark spotted along San Diego's coastline."

That news story was from September of 2011. Now... I've paddled in snuggly little bays, warm gulf waters, around mountain lakes and even amongst the seaweed of the Finger Lakes but I've never taken a board into the open water of an ocean. I started to get a nervous little tickle in my belly. 

With our ankle straps in position we paddled out past the wave break, stood up and began our excursion. I was waiting for the relief. I was waiting for the fear to lift. Any minute now.

As the shoreline got smaller my knees got weaker. Instead of looking ahead I was now looking down in a paranoid state sure I would see something scary in the water below. Ben was gaining speed and I was falling behind. The downward spiral began. 

"BEN!" I hollered  "LET'S GO BACK!".  I turned my board and began to slowly make my way back toward the crowds. I wasn't entirely sure if he heard me or not but my instincts had taken over and my heart pumped full speed ahead. 

I tried to focus on the beautiful cliff-side homes and the palm trees in the distance - not working. I thought about how grateful I was to be enjoying this gorgeous day - not working either.

I push forward.

Floating side by side, we approach a few kayak tours and I drop to my knees. Safe. We pull our boards close together and with shaky breath and thumping veins I apologize for my panic attack. I was sure it was over.

After a few shark jokes (which were not at all funny) Ben decides it's time for a dip. I wasn't happy about this and I wasn't sure why until I looked down and saw these...

Avg. '3 - 4' Long

Sharks.

Hundreds of them zipping around like speedy little death devils. 

This was the end. We were goners. 

Ben tried explaining their harmless nature but my selective hearing was too focused on the voice of fear screaming bloody murder in my head.

Despite the name "shark," these leopard sharks are harmless. 

This species is found on the Pacific Coast and these leopard sharks 

spawn annually in the shallow water at La Jolla Shores.

To my right I saw children frolicking in the water with snorkel gear and smiles. To my left I saw kayaks and fellow paddlers having a nice time in the sun. I tried to calm myself.  If they could do it, I could do it.

I couldn't.   

Enter: Panic Round 2.

I was ready to roll off of my board with my arms up in the air and surrender to the inevitable. 

Instead I insisted on getting the hell out of the water and back on dry land. Ben pointed up shore and we headed in that direction. I was flat on my knees trying to keep my composure. Now was not the time to breakdown. 

Breathe in. Breathe out. 

I paddle.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

I paddle.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

My landing on the beach was anything but graceful. After flailing around under the crashing waves I secured my footing and struggled to lift my 10' long 30lb board. I felt like the biggest shark in the world was after me and I just couldn't move fast enough. 

Once I was a good distance from the water I collapsed down onto the packed sand, took a few deep breaths and cried. I let it out and it felt damn good.

What the hell just happened?

After a few soothing hugs my breath began to regulate and the tremors softened. I was physically weak and mentally exhausted. While settling into the sand for a nice nap I notice a woman strolling by. She's about 6 months pregnant with two small children walking by her side. She hands them each a scuba mask. 

I'm bug-eyed.

"You're gonna see little sharks but don't be scared, they're very friendly..." she explains.

Leaning back onto the sand I shake my head in disbelief. 

I clearly grew up in Central New York.

Moral: Just Keep Going

The night before Thanksgiving my boss laid me off via email. The company had to close its doors for the holidays. Lovely. Happy turkey day to you too *****.

I’m now freelancing, which I do love. I've made some great connections here in San Diego and I'll continue to network. There are ups: I have a flexible schedule and I get to work from anywhere. There are downs: I have to pay for benefits and the money I earn isn’t guaranteed to show up every two weeks.

I’ve started to look into some alternative job options to steady my income such as bartending, babysitting and retail sales*.

*In 1999, Banana Republic on Church Street in Burlington, Vermont was lucky to have me.

Most recently I saw that BCBG was having an open house to fill several sales positions. The ad read “Open House Interviews Wednesday, February 8^th from 2-6pm”.

It was marked on my calendar for 2 weeks. I wasn’t gonna miss this one and most of you probably understand why I could really love this gig.

I started following their Facebook and Twitter feeds more closely researching the new trends so I could be thoroughly prepared. Memories would flash through my mind of the great times I had in my very own BCBG purchases. Their shoes ARE the most comfortable, no doubt. I was finally going to get the chance to gush and make a nice commission - utopia.

Tuesday, the day before the interview, was here. It was time to pick out the interview outfit.  Lot’s of poppy red, bright yellow and rich coral flooded their website so that’s just what I picked out. It was lookin' good.

I take job-hunting very seriously.  Later that day, in between networking for more freelance and working on current projects, I crafted a custom resume for the BCBG interview. It took about an hour or so. I was sure to include snapshots of my life in my favorite BCBG dresses… after all I needed a little extra somethin-somethin to make up for the fact that I have a 12 year gap in my retail experience. I drove to Office Depot, printed 3 copies and headed home to make a nice Caesar salad with grilled shrimp. 

Left: Maggie in BCBG (Chicago, IL)  Right: Maggie in BCBG (Owasco, NY)

Ben and I enjoyed our dinner together and at 9:03pm we were snuggled on the couch. It was the night before my big debut, I was ready. Ben flipped through the channel guide and I reached for the fresh Manhattan I just poured and sunk deep into the couch. Best night ever.

As I peered above the glass at the TV I suddenly felt something hard floating around my mouth… just so happens it was my tooth. 

My. Tooth. Fell. OUT.

Top row, five over. Gone. Hole.

(About 3 years ago I had a root canal and crown on this tooth and it just didn’t hold.  I’ve always had shitty teeth; it is what it is. BUT COME ON!)

I spit the tooth into my hand and ran to the bathroom to investigate. It was true. I cried. Who am I kidding? I was absolutely hysterical. Panic is never pretty.

We went to bed.

The next morning, a little depressed, swollen and foggy from crying, I took a poll on Facebook to find a good dentist recommendation. By 11am I was in a dentist chair having my tooth evaluated. They cemented that sucker back on and by noon I was headed home to change for my big interview. BCBG here I come!

I made my way through the large outdoor mall in my highest heels with my awesome resume in hand. My eyeballs still felt like they were bleeding and my gums were throbbing but I stood tall, put my game face on and I walked in toward the woman behind the counter. 

Maggie:     “Hi! I’m here for the open house.” (Smiling)

Associate:     “ Ok, just fill out this application.”

Maggie:     “Absolutely!“ (With a bigger smile)

           

I went out into the courtyard and filled out the application referencing my custom made resume every few lines. When finished, I headed back.

Maggie:     “All set!” (With a big smile)

Associate:     “Great, thanks.”

She takes the application and puts it in a folder.

Maggie:  “Is there somewhere I should wait?” (Still smiling)

Associate:  “Wait for what?”

Now I’m really confused.

Maggie:  “For the interviews?” (I imagine my brows may have been furrowed at this point but I can't clearly remember because of the dizzy confusion I was experiencing.)

Associate:  “Oh we’re just collecting applications. There are no interviews.”

(What the… You mean to tell me…)     

                              

             Maggie:  “Um, ok. I must have misread the listing." 

I was hoping that would trigger some sort of explanation. It didn't.

         

Maggie:  "Well then, I would like to submit my resume with that application.” 

It took everything I had left in me but I smiled big and I handed her my sparkling resume. Without so much as one glance she shoved it in the folder with the others. I picked my jaw up off of the counter and I walked out of that store a little slower and a little shorter. My eyes were still sore, my tooth still throbbing and I was mentally limp.

            

I sauntered back to my car, drove home, kicked off my shoes and sat down in front of the computer once again. "Part-time bartender needed asap in Little Italy" 

I'm on it. I got this one!